Dear Dr. John,
Why do you sit in the middle of the couch? Wait, let me clarify this. You sit right in the middle of two cushions. Yes, right on the crack between two different cushions. So the main cushion sticks up at the other end. It looks retarded. No really the area you sit is already messed up. When you're not sitting there the cushion is still popped up. You're ruining my sectional. It's so pretty and you're f'in it up so you can sit exactly in the middle of the couch to watch your TV crap. Sit in the middle of a cushion. Try it. Honestly, it will be better for the cushion and for you. Please, before I push you into a pile of our son's poop.
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