hammer feet

Dear Dr. Hammer feet,

Yes you hammer your feet around the house.  What's up with that? Well I'm sure I'd know if I just read more books to build my vocabulary.

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plate of foodfood

Dear Dr. John,

Me? You want me to make you a plate of food? When did I become your b*tch? Oh when I said "I do"... wow you can serve yourself. I'm exhausted. I get up during the night to get our son,  commute to work, work, commute home, get our son, clean the house, cook dinner, take care of our son, prepare for the following day, bathe and put our son to bed and I stay up late just to see your face....so yeah I'm tired. So Wtf come in and play with our son and ask me to make you a plate of food then say that it's easy it only take you five minutes. Please, lucky I don't poison you.

And for the 8292746467281 time, why do you sit in the middle of two cushions?!? The crack isn't a place to sit. You're making the cushions flat and warping funny. And tell your friend to stop parking in our driveway. He's a guest he parks on the street. Why should I park on the street? Wow.

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Alarm.

Dear Dr. John,

Why do you set your alarm clock for 5:30, but hit snooze until it's 6:30? Just set your alarm to 6;30 and get up! No need to keep having the alarm go off with the static radio station you failed to make come in clear.

Shoes

Dear Dr. John,

Can you please remove your dirty shoes before you walk into our son's room? Thanks it spreads all the germs you walked on.

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Polar Bear?

Dear Dr. John,

I was going to write to you about you about toilets, but decided after spending a few minutes typing it that I have something more important to talk to you about. Energy.

What is energy? Do you know? We pay a bill for energy. It's pretty darn high in my opinion. Let me explain. The exterior lights. They are on for our benefit. See our driveway a little better, see outside in case someone or thing is trying to break in our house. Overall, they are nice to have. But when you leave them on for 3 days straight because you "forgot" to turn off....it's just wasteful. Now the heater. That thing is the big energy sucker. I believe we may have an "energy saver" kind, but the matter of the fact is you leave it on all DAY. I even leave you reminders to turn off before you leave, but it never fails. I walk into the house when I get home and it's a warm cozy place for our two fuzzy cats. Hello, we don't need to heat the house for the cats or for your xbox. I only leave it on for our son during the night. So now, since you shown me you can't read english or remember reminders, I must turn it off when I leave so when you wake up the house will be cold. You'll probably turn the heater back on when you get up and leave it on all day...but I suppose at least it was off 1-2 hours less than before. I suggest pants and a shirt to keep you warm. Gloves if you must and socks. Stop walking around in a t-shirt or no shirt and your underwear. That's why we have pants and sweat shirts - they keep us warm.

you are nothing.

I hate you. You took my rights as a mother away. Don't act like you're helping me. I want to put our son to sleep if he wakes up but you think you're helping out by doing it for me and helping him too. No you just took something away from me I had left since you already took the first shift away from me. And don't try to make it sound like you're going to be so tired and you don't sympathized me. I don't sympathize you. I'm still going to get up and pump. That's a big concern about feeding before I leave work which explains why I want to get him. It touches my heart when he reaches for me in the morning ...but You took it away. Parenting is made with both parents not one. You always make the final decision and I can't stand it. I tell you But your ears are so clogged with wax no wonder the TV volume is at 60 all the time and you talk so loud. You ruined everything. 


Johnny Apple Seed,

I was mad when I wrote this. Of course, it doesn't hide what you did nor do I ever really forgive you for being rude to me. I am still sad you think you can just make the final decision. I don't hate you, I may get mad at your guts and want to push you into a wall and scream - but that won't solve anything. I'm just tired. PMSing I should mention. Something new I have to deal with since it's been close to 2 years since Aunt Flo decided to visit. My hormones are crazy and you added to the formula, doesn't help. Let me suggest that you just clean up the mess you make and keep your comments to yourself for a few days. Saves everyone from losing a head or more.

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Sit on a crack.

Dear Dr. John,

Why do you sit in the middle of the couch? Wait, let me clarify this. You sit right in the middle of two cushions. Yes, right on the crack between two different cushions. So the main cushion sticks up at the other end. It looks retarded. No really the area you sit is already messed up. When you're not sitting there the cushion is still popped up. You're ruining my sectional. It's so pretty and you're f'in it up so you can sit exactly in the middle of the couch to watch your TV crap. Sit in the middle of a cushion. Try it. Honestly,  it will be better for the cushion and for you. Please, before I push you into a pile of our son's poop.

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Repeater.

Dear Dr. John,

Why are you explaining me to me what a short sale is and all this crap that I just said to you? Stfu. Omg I can't stand hearing something I already know and I don't like repeaters. You don't know what you're talking about. I already know what it is.

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"Not Now John"

Dear Dr. John,

Here is a song for you. It has your name in it. Good day.
(I copied and pasted from AZlyrics.com)

fuck all that we've got to get on with these
got to compete with the wily japanese
there's too many home fires burning
and not enough trees
so fuck all that
we've got to get on with these
can't stop lose job mind gone silicon
what bomb get away pay day make hay
break down need fix big six
clickity click hold on oh no brrrrrrrrrring bingo!
make em laugh make em cry make em dance in the aisles
make em pay make em stay make em feel ok

not now john
we've got to get on with the film show
hollywood waits at the end of the rainbow
who cares what it's all about
as long as the kids go
not now john
got to get on with the show

hang on john
we've got to get on with this
i don't know what it is
but it fits on here like this ...
come at the end of the shift
we'll go and get pissed
but not now john
i've got to get on with this

hold on john
i think there's something good on
i used to read books but ...
it could be the news
or some other amusement
or it could be reusable shows

fuck all that we've got to get on with these
got to compete with the wily japanese
no need to worry about the vietnamese
got to bring the russian bear to his knees
well, maybe not the russian bear
maybe the swedes
we showed argentina
now let's go and show these
make us feel tough
and won't maggie be pleased
nah nah nah nah nah nah!

s'cusi dove il bar
se para collo pou eine toe bar
s'il vous plait ou est le bar
oi' where's the fucking bar john!

Going surfing.

Dear Dr. John,

It's raining today. Kinda sucks for me. Why? Oh, because you fooled me into moving 10 more miles NE from work. My commute is 60 miles around trip. Sorta need new tires, but I'll wait since we don't have the funds for that sort of purchase. Probably need an oil change too, but that too will wait. Heck, I need a hair cut bad as well, but I'll probably wait a few more months perhaps before I go do it. Unlike you, probably had 15 hair cuts to my one hair cut from June 2011. Hope your drive to work, those 5 miles, aren't bad for you. I need to learn to say no to you.

The facts.

Dear Dr. John,

Life is good. Life is good when you have money. This is not completely true to many. Although, when you do have money life can be exciting. You can walk down to the local pub and get yourself a beer. Buy a fancy telephone to ring up your nearest neighbors. Or if you fancy yourself a nice greasy burger you can buy a bunch of those too. Heck, you could even buy yourself a nice pair of stylish pants to wear out on a night out. But, like I say life can be fun without money. It's when you build up debt for all the fun things you bought or did which creates sad panda faces. And when you realize that you want to actually use your money for something worth while, say a nice house to start your family in...we think back to the days we used our credit cards for that In N Out burger or the trip to the Shell station and bought dip. So don't try to put it on someone's shoulders (say ME) that if they had a better paying job, they save up and buy a house. Example, my job isn't the most important thing on the planet, but it does have some importance. Expecting someone to find a better paying job in this market is a fist fight effort. We can look at the past and think if we could "do it over again" to fix the present, but we can't dwell on the past. Move forward. No punt intended since you drive a Toyota, but let's just focus on the important stuff - now and the future. Sure, buying a house would be nice and who wouldn't want to say they own that house (unless it's nasty looking), but don't make someone feel bad that their job isn't paying enough to help support a better lifestyle.

Paper airplanes vs. paper hands

Dear Dr. John,

Cut your nails. Your hands look like girl hands with your long nails. While you're doing that, I suggest you should go dig in some dirt or go play with some greasy tools. You have soft hands. To be more exact, your hands look like paper pusher hands. I know you never had to do anything ruff with your hands thanks to your career, but for heavens sake tough them up a little. If you wanted, you probably could be a lady hand model for QVC. It's not cute, it's actually gross.

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stop

Dear Dr. John,

Please, stop laughing out loud like what you're watching is the most funniest thing you've ever seen or heard. I'm trying to put our son down for a nap. Lord.

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Ha!

Dear Dr. John,

Surprise!  I mean, didn't you get my text message that my father and sister were over? I sent it to you at 11 am. Guess you were too busy to see it. Yes, they had a reason to be here. They dropped off that high chair that's in the kitchen if you didn't already see. Plus, my father hasn't seen his grandson since my birthday so he wanted to visit him too. Oh and please, stop acting fake. We all can hear it in your voice. Just act normal...wait...keep acting fake. Don't need you to yell at them like your video games.

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Good morning

Good morning Dr. John,

How did you sleep last night? I hope you had a peaceful rest. It's 6:41 and I just heard you laugh very loud in the front room. Did you find something funny? Perhaps you saw yourself in the mirror or maybe you saw the messy kitchen. Either way, thank you for the giggles in our son's room. I've been up four times last night so I hope you're not laughing at me. Our son is half asleep on me now and I'm trying to figure out when to change him since he leaked again. I'm just glad you slept a solid night and I was the one up so you could laugh and giggle this very early morning.

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Loud and proud

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Talking x box.

Dear Dr. John,

Good evening. I'm sitting in our son's room putting him to sleep while you play your games. Excuse me, while you yell at your game for not doing what you wanted. I understand how difficult it must be not being able to hear me talk all week like mentioned before. You still haven't said anything to me...you keep forgetting your digital recorder for an EVP session. Anyways, so you must be lonely. But yelling at your x box wont help. Calling it mother f*cker and fagg*t isn't every nice. You need to pet your x box and kiss it. Though, I am positive you give it much love when I am not around. It gets heated up every night. It gets turned on after dinner and cools off hours later. Poor thing must be exhausted after you're done with it. But Dr. John, please be aware, even though you don't notice I am here our son is sleeping right now. It is 8:45 pm and he has been up since 3 am and is tired himself. So beware that your Xbox and you are not the only ones under this roof. Thank you.

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EVP time perhaps.

Dear Dr. John, Hello. Oh wait, you didn't see me. Wait...was it too dark for you to see me? I know you saw our son because you said good night to him and told him you loved him...but you didn't say anything to me who was holding our son in my arms. Maybe you need to do an an EVP session to hear my voice? I'm assuming so since all this week you haven't spoken to me. Not even a hello. Oops my bad, you did tell my sister and I "well, y'all have a nice day."

Let's get started. Daa!

Day 1

To vent or not to vent that is the question. Dr. John loves to eat. Dr. John loves to play xbox. But what Dr. John doesn't know, he doesn't seem to be doing it right. These are just some rants and venting for you to read what I must live with.